you make me feel the...

You could say I’m overreacting again but you’d have no idea… You cannot even begin to comprehend how it feels. I’m trying to do the right thing, but it’s so hard. I want to be the good person and help you, but don’t you notice this pattern with us? I fix you and you break me, every time. I really wonder about it a lot, this might seem like such a self-pitying statement but “why me?” Really, why me? Is it because I let you? But I’m sure others would let you too, you’re capable enough. So why me? Why do you keep coming back? I don’t even want to take you back anymore but now it’s not feelings but ethics that makes me allow myself to help you again. Yes, I can help you unconditionally but to be continually hurt, for you to keep doing this to me, can’t you just ask yourself for a minute, is it even fair to me in the slightest? Why would you always fucking choose other people over me and make me feel like nothing, then search for me when you need help again? I really don’t get it?! Why don’t you ask those people who you choose over me to help you! Why don’t they help you? Why me? Why can’t you stop, stop coming back. Since now I can’t stop taking you back for ethical reasons, WHY DON’T YOU JUST LEAVE SINCE IT’S WHAT YOU DO BEST? I hate being weak, I hate sounding weak. I hate feeling and being like this. What part of, “if you leave again you’d better not ever fucking come back” didn’t you understand? Do you think it’s a privilege for me to help you? Should I feel “blessed” that I am chosen to clean up all your messes? What did I ever do to you to make you want to do all these things to me, I STILL DON’T GET IT! I doubt I ever will. And I think it’s really fucked up that you no longer even feel anything for it. What do you take me for really? I don’t get it at all! You break another human so completely, that I feel afraid to feel anything anymore. Maybe in the end, you’ll succeed and make me just like you.